Losing Focus
by AsreonInfusion
Summary: It felt like a physical itch, clawing at his skin from the inside. It tightened his chest and made his pulse race. He needed Sephiroth. He couldn't focus, couldn't even think when they were apart. And that scared the hell out of Cloud. [Sephiroth/Cloud, puppet!Cloud]


**A/N:** Guess who kind of forgot that ye olde ff dot net existed and hasn't been uploading here. Oops. Not that I've written much recently, you haven't missed out on much. Literally just this one, and then the next one I'm posting which I only wrote yesterday so no huge delay on that.

Anyway, this one was written for Asylos for the Secret Santa exchange! I went for the prompt of some twisted puppet!Cloud, because of course I did.

 **Warnings:** puppet Cloud, a slightly more subtle-ish form of mind control and manipulation

* * *

Cloud could only lie motionless and stare at the ceiling. What the hell was _wrong_ with him?!

He had training tomorrow. A mission in the afternoon. If he was aiming for that promotion to Second Class that Lazard had hinted at, he needed to be at the top of his game. Well-rested and on the ball. Except it was 4am and he hadn't slept at all yet.

It wasn't just that he couldn't sleep. It was the fact that he'd only just laid down half an hour ago, and the rest of the time—fuck. What had he even been doing?

He'd been thinking about Sephiroth. Daydreaming. Imagining scenarios that could play out between them, over and over and over again, while he paced restlessly around his apartment. As if that would be enough to work through the nervous energy playing at his nerves, the buzzing in his head.

It had been hours. He had literally lost hours. And it _scared_ him. This… this wasn't right.

He knew how he felt about Sephiroth. He'd been through more than his fair share of emotions over the man, after all. He knew what infatuation was; he'd been there, been all the way through that when he was young and stupid. He'd got over that. He knew what having a crush was; he'd been developing one even before he got into SOLDIER, when Zack had introduced them and somehow Cloud had integrated himself into Sephiroth's short list of friendly acquaintances.

And sure, he liked Sephiroth, but it had been manageable. He'd met up with Zack and Sephiroth when he could, and maybe his heart fluttered a little when Sephiroth talked to him, but he was still himself. He could laugh and joke with them, and then he could get back to training and drills and missions and have the focus to excel. There was no way he would have made it even as far as Third Class if that hadn't been the case.

No, none of it had ever affected him as much as this. This was something new, something that had only started after he'd made it into SOLDIER and started his mako treatments.

It felt like a physical itch, clawing at his skin from the inside. It tightened his chest and made his pulse race. He _needed_ Sephiroth. He couldn't focus, couldn't even think when they were apart.

All of it just felt so… off.

So Cloud was grateful, almost, when he got the message sent through to his PHS the following morning; his mission was cancelled, and his presence was requested in the labs instead.

He didn't _like_ the labs. Nobody did; there was something inherently unsettling about the place, especially when Hojo was around. But it was better than fucking up another mission – another one? Had he messed up already because of this? He couldn't remember – and maybe they would be able to pick up if there was any underlying cause for how weird he'd been feeling.

It gave him a sense of déjà vu when he walked the familiar route to the labs. It was overly familiar; he had a growing suspicion he'd been ending up in the labs more than was strictly necessary, or at the very least more often than any of the other SOLDIERs he'd talked to. He'd asked about it once, but the only he answer he got was that it was important for 'monitoring the conversion', because he was on an 'alternative protocol' due to low tolerance.

He'd never been able to worm more information out of any of the lab technicians than that, and even then Hojo had been tight-lipped and furious that anyone had mentioned such a thing. Cloud thought he had a goddamn right to know, since it was _his_ SOLDIER career that would be impacted if the mako didn't take properly.

But there was nothing to be done about it. So he went to his appointments as directed, and let the technicians strap him down and inject mako into his veins until his vision swam green with it.

It would be worth it – it _had_ to be worth it. For SOLDIER.

For Sephiroth.

* * *

"Are you serious?!" Cloud said, half-outraged and half-laughing around the piece of garlic bread in his mouth.

Zack placed a hand over his heart. "I know, man. I was shocked too."

"It does seem oddly unlike ShinRa to spend any money more than absolute necessity," Sephiroth agreed detachedly.

"Well, I'm telling ya. They're honest to Gaia making the food in the infantry cafeteria _actually edible._ "

Sephiroth didn't seem overly concerned by the news in general, but then he had never had to suffer through the utter slop and daily horror that was ShinRa's standard infantry fare. Unlike Cloud, who had spent a good four years surviving on that crap.

"Why now?" Cloud bemoaned to the universe. "Why not a year ago? Why couldn't I get decent fucking food?"

Zack patted Cloud's shoulder. "Hey, man, I went through it all too. Maybe HR finally reached a critical threshold of people calling out sick 'cause of goddawful ShinRa shits."

"To maintain an efficient and effective military, it should be basic practice to ensure the health of the personnel," Sephiroth said, eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah, someone tell that to ShinRa," Cloud snorted. "They definitely go for quantity over quality when it comes to the infantry."

"That would explain a lot of the assholes you guys get stuck with."

"Ugh. Don't remind me." Cloud shook his head, then gave a smile as he turned to look at Sephiroth. "At least you actually care about your SOLDIERs."

Sephiroth paused. "I suppose. I want what is best for the men. Morale is important."

"Yeeeeah." Zack suddenly sounded oddly hesitant as well. "Hey, Cloud, come help with the dishes. I ain't doing it all by myself."

Cloud's eyes lingered on Sephiroth a moment longer, giving him an apologetic look as he collected up the plates and followed Zack. He hadn't thought he'd done anything weird, but Zack was giving him some definite side-eye. In fact, Zack had been kinda odd the last few times the three of them had hung out.

That kind of hurt to think about. Zack had been one of Cloud's first friends, and his only for the better part of his infantry career. Why was he acting all suspicious now?

Zack had brought in the glasses from the table, and he put them down in the sink before turning and leaning against the counter. He sighed. "Alright. Cloud… I gotta ask. Are you okay?"

"Huh?" Cloud blinked. "Uh, yeah. Of course. How come?"

"You've been acting weird."

Cloud shot Zack a look. " _You're_ acting weird. Everything's been fine all evening."

"Okay, firstly. It's been fine this evening, but what about the last couple of days? Weeks? I've seen you around between missions and you seem so… out of it. You haven't been returning my calls. You've randomly missed training."

Cloud frowned. "Not really? I don't remember any of that."

"Do you remember turning up to training?"

"Well… no, but I mean. You know how it is. When you're so busy the days just blur into one."

"Cloud, I… I saw you just standing in the hallway one time, staring at a wall like you were in some kind of trance. It was really freaky."

"Uh. Yeah. No, I didn't do that, that's just weird."

"No fucking kidding, it's weird! And secondly, the way you smiled at Sephiroth just then…"

Cloud scowled in an attempt to cover the start of a blush. Did Zack know about his crush? Probably. It was pretty obvious. "He's my friend too, can't I smile at him? Get off my back."

"No, Cloud. You don't see how it looks. Your expression…" Zack sighed heavily and tugged at the spikes of his hair. "You know your eyes flicker with mako when you look at him?"

"…what?" SOLDIER's eyes always had a low-level glow about them, but flickering? The mako wasn't meant to flare up like that, not even when they hit a limit break. "You must be imagining it. It's the lighting or something," Cloud said, but he sounded uneasy.

It was… Gaia, it was annoying, honestly. He'd been having such a good evening, spending time with Sephiroth and Zack. Why did Zack have to plant these weird doubts?

Cloud was fine. Sephiroth was there, so everything was fine. He didn't need Zack anyway.

His expression hardened. "Maybe you should just leave," Cloud said.

" _Cloud_. C'mon, man. I'm seriously worried, okay?"

"Well your 'worry' is ruining the evening for me and Seph, so get out. Get _out_."

Zack looked stunned for a moment, taken aback by the sudden aggression in Cloud's voice. "Can you seriously not see how unhealthy this is?!" he burst.

Bad move. Cloud was already slipping through his fingers, and the accusation was the final straw. It was clear from Cloud's blank, icy expression that he wouldn't listen to another word Zack had to say.

Zack reached out to touch Cloud's shoulder, a hollow echo of the reassuring gesture they'd shared so many times before over the years. Cloud shook him off angrily, and the tension only grew colder as Sephiroth swept into the kitchen.

"What's going on?" he asked flatly. His eyes fell on Zack. "Did you upset Cloud?"

Zack raised his hands. "I didn't mean to! I just wanted to… fuck, Seph, back me up here. You can tell something's been off about Cloud, right? All I was asking was if he was okay, I'm _worried_."

It was obvious, it had to be. Even though Sephiroth hadn't always been the best at reading people, he couldn't miss how even right fucking now Cloud's eyes were glazed over, his hands twitching and expression blank.

"I heard him ask you to leave. I think you should if you're going to make him uncomfortable."

Zack gave a short, hollow laugh, shaking his head sadly. Sephiroth too? "Fine. Fine, I'll go. But… _please_. Remember I'm your friend. I'm your _friend_ , okay? Both of you. I care about you. And you're scaring me. Whatever's going on, _talk to me_."

"There's nothing to talk about," Cloud said quietly.

It almost hurt to see the heartbreak on Zack's face, but Sephiroth wrapped an arm around Cloud and Cloud turned his face into Sephiroth's chest so he wouldn't have to watch Zack leave. He heard the footsteps and heard the door close shut, and then it was just him and Sephiroth.

Cloud took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Are you alright?" Sephiroth asked.

Cloud blinked up at him. "Oh. Yeah, of course." Was he upset about something? He'd just had an argument with Zack, hadn't he? But now that Zack was gone and Sephiroth was there instead, Cloud couldn't quite recall the details of it. The hurt bled away like it had been washed clean with an Esuna.

Sephiroth smiled comfortingly at him, and it made Cloud's heart pound a little faster.

"If you are certain," Sephiroth said, a touch of concern on the edges of his voice. "Perhaps you should stay here a while longer; it seems inappropriate to allow you to return home alone after an emotional blow like losing a friend."

Losing a friend? The argument hadn't been that bad. Or maybe it had. If Sephiroth said it, maybe he was right. Zack was sticking his nose where it shouldn't be, and as much as it hurt, Cloud was going to have to put up boundaries. Maybe cut him out entirely. It wasn't any of Zack's business.

Zack…

"Don't overthink it. It's not your fault." Sephiroth's arm slid lower, wrapping loosely around Cloud's waist. They were stood face to face, barely an inch of space between their bodies, and Cloud sighed as he leaned against Sephiroth and closed the gap altogether.

Forget about Zack. That just meant that Cloud could have this time alone with Sephiroth, and that was something Cloud very much appreciated.

Maybe it was just because he was feeling a little emotionally shaky still, seeking out reassurance. But all it took was the slightest tilt of his head upwards, and Cloud pressed his lips against Sephiroth's. At first Sephiroth only smiled, not protesting but not returning the affection either, so Cloud kissed him more insistently.

"Is this how you feel, Cloud?"

Cloud pulled back enough to give Sephiroth a slight grin. "If I've managed to actually hide the huge-ass crush I have on you, I'm a much better actor than anyone's ever given me credit for."

Sephiroth laughed. "I may have noticed."

"Maybe Zack was just jealous."

"Perhaps."

"But you're the one I want."

"Is that so?"

Cloud said it so naturally, so normally. So convinced of himself. "I would do anything for you."

Their next kiss was far deeper, and far more heated. Cloud let himself melt into it, kissing Sephiroth back with fervour. Sephiroth's hands wandered down Cloud's sides and beneath his shirt, and Cloud shivered. It felt like electricity where Sephiroth's fingers brushed against his skin.

He sank his hands into Sephiroth's hair, encouraging him to kiss him harder. Searing, bruising. Cloud wanted to forget everything except for how it felt to have Sephiroth pressed against him and devouring him.

"Why don't we move to the bedroom?" Sephiroth asked, eyes dark.

The question alone made Cloud's breath hitch. "Yeah. I'd like that."

Sephiroth smirked and kissed Cloud again. "Good, puppet."

* * *

Cloud must have been somewhere in the sluggish haze between waking and sleeping, still halfway in a dream. Except that he was upright? No. Floating.

He didn't want to get up. His whole body felt heavy and bound by inertia, thought nothing more than a distant notion. He remembered… hnn. What did he remember? He remembered Sephiroth.

A small shiver ran down Cloud's spine. His memories were hazy, but there were a few moments that stood out. All of them with Sephiroth. Missions with Sephiroth. Having dinner together. Being in his bed, while Sephiroth held Cloud down and used Cloud's body in the most delicious ways. And Cloud had wrapped his arms around Sephiroth's shoulders, fingernails leaving vivid scratches down Sephiroth's back and tangling into his hair while Cloud writhed beneath him, dragging Sephiroth down into messy, needy kisses while Sephiroth fucked him _hard_.

Oh. Cloud liked that memory.

He clung to that thought through the ebb and flow of green light that played through in his mind, threatening to drag him back down.

That was why he was awake, after all; he'd heard Sephiroth's voice. That was what had caused him to stir.

"…want that one," Sephiroth was saying. Who was he talking to? Cloud wished he'd just come back to bed and touch him again.

There was a dismissive snort. "The clone is a useless failure. It's no longer cognizant of reality, even when outside of the mako tank for extended periods."

"He's cognizant around _me_. His original personality is almost intact, and he is even capable of functioning on high-level missions as long as I am present."

"Even worse," the other voice sneered. "Any personality of its should have been completely overridden."

Ugh. The longer he listened to Sephiroth, the more aware he became, and now he recognised the second voice as well. That nasal whine was Hojo through and through.

A chill of apprehension shivered through Cloud. Hojo. Fucking Hojo. What did _he_ want?

"I have the authority to requisition any of the men under my command for missions as I see fit. Cloud Strife will accompany me."

"Humph. Then take your puppet," Hojo said, waving Sephiroth away like an ignorant child. "What mission do you need it for?"

Sephiroth finally came into view, visible behind the glass and mako that swam in front of Cloud's eyes. He raised his hand to place it on the tank, and Cloud's fingers instinctively twitched with the desire to reach out and twine their hands together.

"He's coming with me to Nibelheim," Sephiroth said.


End file.
